To my boy...

Dear Conrad,
I had wanted to write you a letter when you turned 6 months old and now here we are just a couple of weeks away from 9 months! The last three months have just kind of been a blur with my fall photography season and then the holidays. I have so much in my heart I want to tell you, so here I sit hoping it flows effortlessly.

You are just plain awesome. Our family of three before you arrived was really great. We were close and had such a fun time together. It never really felt like anything was missing. But then you joined us, and it felt so right and so natural and you fit in so perfectly. And really all that time there was so much we were missing, we just didn't have any idea. We were missing your adorable baby laugh and your chubby hands and your handsome brown eyes and your double chin and your bald head that is oh so soft and your fabulous thighs and your serene personality and the way you use your whole face to smile and your baby hugs...oh how I love my baby hugs. We were missing the beautiful relationship that has formed between you and Gwendolyn and all the funny conversations we have about you and how much we just love and adore you. You've filled in spaces and gaps in this home and family that I didn't even know were empty, and our lives are so much richer because of you.

You're 24 pounds of pure love, Conrad Cross. We often "argue" over who gets you, and even when I've been with you all day, I miss you like crazy if I just so happen to get an hour or two to myself to run errands or go to the gym. And the days you and Gwendolyn are at daycare are great in so many ways, but I always look forward to pick-up time. You have such a delightful personality, and I'm often asked if you're always so calm. If you're fussy, it's usually because you're tired, hungry or want to be held, all of which are pretty easy fixes. Daddy and I are always amazed at how content you are. I feel like I'm always saying things like, "look at him - he's just sitting here." You won't hear me complain that you're a cuddle bug because I love some good quality baby snuggles. Well...actually you may hear me complain just a little bit because you can sometimes make it difficult for mommy to get anything done. A naturally cuddly baby going through separation anxiety is not a good combination. But we make it work, because I know this time is fleeting and you won't always fit so perfectly in my arms. I'd hold you all day if I could. There's nothing more I'd love to do, but I also know it's good for you to play on your own. Oh, and mommy has a house to take care of. And meals to prepare. And work to do. (Conrad snuggles sound much better than all of that.)

You were a great sleeper, but then regressed this fall and have been pretty hit or miss since then. I'm not upset though. Teething is tough work. (You now have EIGHT teeth!) You slept through the night Monday night though! 8:30 to 6:30 and then again until 9:00. I'll take it! The next night wasn't quite as smooth, but then last night was until 6:00 so I forgive you. Naps are random. You usually take a great morning nap (1-1.5 hours) and then recently your afternoon nap has gotten the short end of the stick and some days I'm lucky to get 45 minutes. Stinker!

Some of my favorite moments with you are after you've nursed at bed time and are asleep on my shoulder. I wish I could bottle up the feeling and sound and smell of those minutes because they're the best. I never knew how much I'd love the sound of your deep sleeping sighs. Or the way your arms spread across and hug my shoulders, and the way your head - so heavy with tiredness - just naturally falls against my cheek. And there we sit and rock in the dark. Sometimes I multi-task and spend these precious moments reading on my phone or catching up on emails or texts, but if I'm going to be doing those things anyway, I'd rather you be asleep in my arms while I do them. I often get texts from daddy..."are you coming back down?" It's true I like to linger. It's a quiet and peaceful time.

I would have thought you'd be eager to catch up to Gwendolyn, but you haven't been in any big hurry to be on the move. It's fine by me. I've secretly loved having you stay a stationary baby for longer than what is typical. You always have your eye on her though watching to see what she's up to, so I'm thinking it won't be long until you're getting up in her business. She rarely says a bad word about you, but that may change once you're messing with her baby dolls. Especially if they're sleeping. We all know we have to be veeeery quiet when they're sleeping.

You...

gained 3 lbs in the last month

love puffs and food (see above)

are barely fitting into 12 month clothes (see above)
will eat most baby food veggies as long as they're mixed with applesauce

immediately look for Sissy when I get you out of your crib in the morning

sometimes yell at us for no reason

put everything in your mouth
like to check people out and watch and observe

flutter your hands when excited, just like Gwendolyn did (and she still does)

wear size 4 diaper

would prefer if mama is never out of sight

have very squishy cheeks

love your daddy

pull hair and scratch faces

give the best baby hugs
think your sister and daddy are both hilarious
sway side to side when you're happy
are down to two naps
do this really cute thing where you flutter your fingers by your face
rarely spit up
love to have your back and head rubbed
look so handsome in your Sunday best

are (slowly) learning some sign language

enjoy a good book
still need burped
get very distracted while nursing
have the BEST baby breath
have a twinkle in your eye

play happily in your jumperoo

wear a lot of zippered fleece pj's

find bath time super fun

love watching the big kids at daycare

will go to anyone

play well on your play mat
don't like your nose wiped

roll over occasionally (mommy finally saw it!)

are an amazing traveler

have the best baby laugh

are extremely ticklish

have a double chin with the cutest little dimple in it

prefer someone be holding you if at all possible

bring us immense joy

are very, very heavy to carry in your car seat

get adjusted at the chiropractor's about once a month

love buttons and strings and glasses and earrings

have a connection with your sissy that is truly unique

rub your eyes when you're tired

no longer suck your thumb (boo)

have never used a pacifier

blow reeeally big raspberries when you're frustrated/mad

smile with your whole face

have the best grin
have quite a few nicknames: C-Rad, C-Cross, Bud, Goose, Goosers, Connie Connie Connie Conrad Cross (daddy), Conrad Crossy (sissy), and Brother
often suck on your bottom lip

get a lot of comments about your size

have a large head (but we still love you)

have an even bigger heart

I am so thankful you're my son. We pray for you every day and we won't stop. I am overwhelmed with love for you so much that there are times my heart feels like it can't possibly hold any more. It's a demanding job being your mommy, but by God's grace I think we're doing pretty well. The last 8.5 months have taught me a lot about myself and brought to my attention areas in my life I still need a lot of work, but I think that's what parenting does. It forces you to be self-reflective and honest. I want to be the best mama I can for you and Gwendolyn, so that means taking difficult but necessary steps in order to change and grow. And of course, it's so worth it because we should always be striving to be more like Christ. Parenting is a sanctifying process. Thank you for teaching me so much. I can't even put into words how thankful I am that God chose us to watch over and care for you on this earth. Between you and your sister, I feel like the luckiest mommy out there. We do a lot for you, but you do so much for us as well. 

I can't wait for what is to come!

It'll never be long enough, but I'll love you for as long as I'm given.

Love,

Mommy