Introducing Baby Barntsen!

It is with great joy that we share with you the news of Conrad Cross's arrival!

He was born last night after a very fast 4 hour labor. Mom was able to do the water birth she wanted, and we were so blessed with a beautiful birth, great nurses, doula and midwife (who came from Stillwater and literally just made it in time for the pushing phase).

Date: April 28
Time: 7:26 p.m.
Weight: 8 lbs 7 oz.
Length: 21 in.

The selection of his first and middle name was not taken lightly and was discussed over the course of many months.

While Conrad is a name Sarah always loved and admired, it wasn't on our early list of ideas (some of which include Judah, Ezekiel, Beckham and Kendrick). But then Conrad started coming up again in conversations around Christmas time, and it continued to be one we discussed (around the dinner table. And before bed. And in emails. And other random times throughout the day.:)) We were finally able to narrow it down to a list of three or four, and then two. And then Tom came home one day and said, "it's Conrad." Much like he came home one day and said, "I want to find out the gender." He knows what he wants! The name had to have a strong meaning, but we also wanted it to be easy to spell and pronounce. 

Conrad is an older name that was more popular in the 1800's (much like Gwendolyn). It means bold, wise counselor. We pray that Conrad embodies the meaning of his name - that he is wise, but most importantly, we pray he is bold and stands firm in his beliefs and convictions. 

We have increasingly realized we have nothing outside of Christ, and he gave us the greatest gift we could ever ask for in his death on the cross. In doing so, he took our sin - past, present and future - upon himself so that we can experience firsthand his forgiveness and restoration. We can't help but be gripped with emotion thinking about the selflessness he so lovingly demonstrated that day.

We deserve death, but when Jesus took our place on the cross, he made the sacrifice for our sin that we never would be able to do on our own. We'll never be rejected by Him. God's grace and mercy to us is incredible, and it drives us to change and draw near to him. We want Conrad's middle name to be a constant reminder to him and our family of the love Jesus has for us. 

Tim Keller summarizes it beautifully: "When Jesus looked down from the cross, he didn't think 'I am giving myself to you because you are so attractive to me.' No, he was in agony, and he looked down at us - denying him, abandoning him, and betraying him - and in the greatest act of love in history, he STAYED. He said, 'Father, forgive them, they know not what they  do.' He loved us - not because we were lovely to him - but to make us lovely."  

And so we have our precious Conrad Cross...we are so thankful for this gift and can't wait to experience life as a family of four. Conrad has a big sister who is ready and waiting to shower him with hugs, kisses, and singing. We may have our challenges, but we think Gwendolyn's sweet and gentle spirit will serve us well as we head into some big changes and transitions.

Thank you for sharing in our joy!

Love,
Tom, Sarah, Gwendolyn and Conrad

40 Weeks with Baby #2

40 weeks and 1 day!!!

How Far Along: 40 weeks on 4/26/13

Size of baby: Hard to say obviously, but I'm going to guess that he'll weigh in just a bit under 8 lbs or at least around 8 lbs, like his big sister. And I'm thinking 20" or 21". The size of a newborn baby. (I have no vegetable in mind to compare it too.)

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Guessing around 17ish lbs but will find out for sure at my appt on Monday (if we make it that long.)

Maternity Clothes: Oh, you bet. If a 40 week pregnant girl can wear anything but maternity then I'd like to meet her and take her out for ice cream. (P.S. I have been living in my Gap maternity tanks that I layer under everything - such great purchases! I love it when I don't regret buying things *smile.)

Gender: Baby Brother!

Movement: He moves a lot and I know I'll miss it once he's here, but of course the trade off is worth it.

Sleep: Taking into consideration that every night I go to bed I think "this could be it" and then in my head go through a long list of what will happen if and when it is, I'd say I'm sleeping pretty well once I finally fall asleep  Didn't even get up last night! Naps are glorious. 

What I miss: My SIL Natalie said this week that she just "missed her body" while in the final stages with #3 and I can totally relate to that statement. I feel so great in the mornings, but I'm looking forward to just being able to move like a normal person again. And go on walks and keep up with my companions. And climb playgrounds. And get in and out of my car without a huge moan and Gwendolyn saying "tired, Mama?" *smile.

Cravings: Protein....Shakes. Peanut butter. Greek yogurt. Bars. Lots of protein. And Cold Stone ice cream.

Symptoms: I honestly would have thought he would be here by now given some of my symptoms, but he's keeping us on our toes! And God has been so gracious to give us some really sweet time to just relax and chill, which is what I had been longing for with such a crazy, busy start to April. 

Best moment this past week: This has been a wonderful and productive week. Gwendolyn and I have had some extra time together to do play dates and be outside (finally) and not have my to do list looming over my head. She's seriously been extra sweet and I can't get enough of her. I felt like yesterday was one big ball of fun - due dates are a big deal! Tom and I woke up early and had some quiet/Bible reading time together, which was really nice. Gwendolyn slept until 8:20 and then we went to ECFE drop-in play time, which she loves. Next stops: Target, Barnes & Noble, and then a bang trim for me. I was feeling extra energetic so I decided she and I needed to go on a lunch date to Wendy's. I haven't ever eaten out with just her, and I found it to be particularly entertaining and fun. We talked. Like, chatted and she made me laugh. It was fun. Then we napped and spent some time outside before daddy got home. Ended the night seeing John and Trisha's new house (so excited for them!) and grabbed ice cream at Cold Stone since Tom finally saw the first robin! (Sinclair family tradition.)

Talk about nesting....I'm currently on my third manicure in 1.5 weeks because I've been scrubbing and cleaning and dusting and folding and washing and cooking up "hit the jackpot" meals, as Tom would say. I think I've vacuumed 5 times in the last 7 days just to make sure I'm ready if we have guests, I got out carpet stains in several rooms with this miracle carpet stain remover that the teenage boy at Bed, Bath & Beyond talked me into (I was hesitant, but so glad I fell for it!) It got out stains a Rug Doctor didn't get out you guys. Un.Believable. Base boards upstairs are dusted (you don't realize how dirty those get over time until you clean them. Ick.) 

I made a mean pork roast in the crock pot (excellent recipe, Nikki) and finally took on the challenge of my first turkey after it had been sitting in our deep freeze since November 2011. After four days thawing in the refrigerator and realizing it wasn't going to cook itself (I was a bit intimidated by it), I decided Thursday was the day. So following a few youtube videos (I couldn't find the giblets!), reading and rereading of roasting bag instructions, and a phone call to my mom to discuss seasoning....we had one perfectly browned, cooked to perfection minus a few dry parts turkey. Tom came home utterly shocked and totally impressed. Maybe I need to cook turkeys more often. He lovingly took on the challenge of shredding the entire 12 lb thing (manicure girls...manicure) and we now have a lot of turkey meat that I'm not exactly sure what to do with! Ha.

The hole in the top is the slice I put in it to hold my slab of butter since I was running out of time to get it in the oven in order for it to cook for the recommended 2-2.5 hours and be done before small group. No time to melt and brush with butter. Sorry, Mom.

Also, don't take out the "red nail!" That tells you when it's done! Brilliant!

There will always be a few things still to get done, but such is life. We're ready for baby brother and so excited to meet him and see his face and hold him in our arms. Can't believe the time has come!

Off to wash windows....

Dear Gwendolyn...

Dear Gwendolyn Rebecca,
You're two years and one month old today! I still find myself staring at you in disbelief sometimes that you're our daughter and we've already experienced two years with you. The vast amount of joy that has entered this home because of you and your budding personality is something that can't be measured. I had no idea I'd love you this much on that sweet day you entered this world. I knew I'd love you a lot, but this mommy love has exceeded all of my expectations. Although, I'm not sure you're ever really ready to experience such strong feelings. Books don't cover that part of parenting.

It still makes me smile to remember your daddy saying last fall, "we should have had kids earlier" as you melted his heart for the one millionth time. And when you hit 18 months, I told him that I needed an 18-month-old in my life at all times, but it's gotten even more fun since last September so really I think I just need you in my life at all times...

If I had written this in March (just a month ago), so much would be different. That's how much you've even changed in 30 some days! I had so much fun with you in our ECFE music class. We started at the end of January and you were quiet and while you enjoyed the music, you stayed pretty close to me. By the end of March, you were standing in the middle of the circle during open dance and running up to the instructor, Robin, to sing rhythm patterns back to her in front of everyone. I could have cried (oh, who are we kidding...I did cry) the first day you were brave enough to go up.

I was so proud of you...

And I know you were proud of yourself because of the big smile on your face. I literally watched you blossom before my very eyes.

You really do love music and singing though, and we find you singing to yourself, your stuffed animals or baby doll all the time. Your dance skills are also out of this world adorable. Our nighttime routine involves brushing teeth, reading books and your Bible (the more books the better, in your opinion), praying, getting comfy in your crib positioned just right on your pillow with stuffed animals and blankets on either side, sippy with water in left corner, holding hands through the rails (very important), and finally singing several songs together all of which you typically call "Jesus." If we sing one to few songs, you'll let us know by proclaiming "sing!"

Your confidence has soared in the last couple of months and I can see it in your demeanor. I've never thought of you as "shy" because you'll talk to and go to just about anyone, but definitely more serious. I think even that part of you has subsided a bit, as we see more and more a little bit of a show off coming out in our little girl. You've realized it's kind of fun to have people notice and laugh at you, but of course, you try to pretend like it's NBD by throwing your head back and trying not to smile.

Heart melts. Again.

Along with some confidence, you've also become....how should I put it......sassy. Where on earth did you get this trait from?! I have no idea. I am pretty sure it literally started on March 23rd - your birthday - as if turning two entitled you to start acting like a 2 year old. Here I was a stranger to these tantrums and melt downs that others speak of. The Lord sure knows how to continually keep us in the sanctification process, as your daddy lovingly reminds me. I'm not sure I would use the word "tantrum" to describe your actions (yet), but your strong opinion on what you like and want has definitely produced some melt downs. Thankfully, you're typically easily persuaded to let go and move on, i.e. distracted. And yes, there has been more than one occasion where your big green eyes, tears, or "please, Mama, please" has gotten you your way. I confess I can sometimes be a softie. Particularly in my third trimester *smile. 

You are very, very sensitive, which is one of the things I love the most about you. You're also kind and gentle, which is something I pray over you almost every single morning. Not only in the way you treat people you know (you've never been in time out at Miss Kathy's) but even in the way you talk, read to, and take care of your baby dolls too. It always makes me smile to observe how you treat client's babies who come over to our house ("hiiiii, baby!") and how eager you are to rock a car seat, find a pacifier, or help with a diaper change. Here you are trying to make 6 month old, Brynn, smile.

Your sensitivity comes out in how well you respond to discipline and immediately show remorse. It breaks our hearts to discipline you, but we do it because we love you and want you to respect authority to us as your parents, but most importantly to God. You know you should listen and be obedient, but sometimes push the limits. I get it, girl. Testing boundaries and choosing what is right is not always easy, and we often think we deserve more than we have or more than we get. I just pray this continues to be an area that your daddy and I are disciplined in and something that we're able to teach you and teach you well. 

Just like your daddy, you're very much a physical touch girl. I love that you love to be close, held and cuddled and often times want "uppie", even if I'm trying to make dinner. Despite your 27 lbs, I love holding you during worship at church. With your head often rested on my shoulder or your arms wrapped around my neck with one hand playing with my hair, there's something super special about praising the Lord with my family. Sometimes during diaper changes, you'll reach up and flail your hands wanting me to bend down and put my face right next to yours. You'll close your eyes and smile and we'll stay like that for a minute or two. It seems you never get sick of being hugged and kissed and sometimes you'll interrupt us just to say, "Mommy (or Dada), I love you."

Oh, how we love you too.

Speaking of sweet phrases...you have the best send offs at the front door. You love standing there and yelling after whomever is leaving a random mix of the following phrases:

"Bye!"

"See ya later!"

"Sleep tight!"

"It's icy, be careful!"

"I miss you!"

"Thank you!"

"I love you!"

"Bye!"

"I MISS you!"

The best was when daddy and I were leaving on a date recently...

"Have fun!"

Seriously?!

You are just plain funny sometimes.

I don't think I could ever count all the words you say because you'll randomly say a new one all the time. A couple of recent favorites though would be: armpits, diaper bag, bubbles, and peels (as in orange peels.) I love how you say "good" when I ask you how you're doing. I also love how you say your name and it comes out as "Denolin" and how you say "come on!" when you want someone to play with you. Or how you tell people to take their coats and scarves off as soon as they walk in the door because you want to make sure they're staying. (Bossy.) Cracks us up when we get you to say "goooo Cyclones!" or when you respond to our explanation of something or a reason why you can't do or have something with "oh." The word "mine" or "my _____" has become a lot more common as well. It blesses me beyond words when you say "bless you, Mama" after I sneeze, and we love it when you say "no, thank you." In a way only a mother would, I also looooove how you say "I went poo poos." (Trust me, it's cute.)

You have been and remain one picky eater. However, thankfully you will now at least try something new. Like pesto chicken and mashed potatoes last night in exchange for apple sauce. Baby steps! You love all fruit, yogurt, cheese, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, french fries, pizza (this is sounding horrible, ha), apple sauce, cereal, oatmeal, waffles, pancakes, pb & jelly/honey, and will oddly enough eat "trees" or broccoli as most people call it. If you have ranch. You won't touch a noodle and dip the oddest things in ketchup (blueberries, for example.) We will press on! You drink only water and milk (just switched to 2%) and the occasional treat of OJ or kefir. I switch up snacks and offer organic animal crackers, raisins, dried fruit, peanut butter crackers, dry cereal or cut up fruit depending on how much other sugar you've had that day.

You don't like being "sticky" or "icky" and typically want your fingers wiped off right away if you get "dirty." You also pick up your toys very well, including sliding your stroller and grocery cart in perfect line behind one another right up against the wall. I am only thinking you may have picked up a bit of your mommy's type A tendencies.

You can sing the entire ABC's but don't know individual letters.

You can count to 20 if we alternate back and forth, which we often do if we're trying to kill some time waiting in line at the store, for example.

You love coloring but only color for 5 minutes tops before you're "all done." You do the same thing with puzzles. You love building tall towers and knocking them over. Your favorite toys or things to play with are: your kitchen and fake food, stroller, Minnie, baby dolls, stuffed animals, doll high chairs, craddle, purse, diaper bag, balls, and any thing you can carry by a handle and put things in. We call you "the bag lady" because it's often the more stuff you can carry and pack in, the better.

You could watch Elmo's World every.single.day and ask for him often. ("I watch Elmo's World, please, watch Elmo's World.") You've also recently gotten into Veggie Tales and really like Super Why! and listening to your Dora CD from Grandma and Grandpa Sinclair in the car. Family movie time has become a special thing we do on the weekends (or when mommy needs some peace and quiet upstairs to work) and something you absolutely love.

They may not stick around, but for now and in this time I will cherish your beautiful after-bath-curls.

Diaper: Size 4

Clothes: Mostly 24 months, some leggings are 3T (long legs!)

Shoes: Size 6

Teeth: I need to check, but pretty sure all molars are in.

Stats from 2 year appointment on April 2nd, 2013:

Height: 36", 95%

Weight: 27.4 lbs, 60%

Head: 19 1/4", 85%

BMI: 14.8, 10%

Daddy calculated you'll be 6' as an adult. You're going to grow past me in no time!

Well, Gwendolyn...I think in my long-windedness and could go on and on mommy way, that just about covers it. A time is coming in the very near future where you will become even more grown up than you are now, not always by choice perhaps but by necessity. I know you're going to nail your new role because I can already see such love and tenderness in you. We've had two wonderful years with you being an only child, and in only a matter of time your little world is going to be drastically changed for the better. Because this home is going to grow both in number and in love and our hearts are going to expand in new and exciting ways as we watch you become a big sister to a little baby boy.

I want you to know something, I think you're amazing and I am so proud to be your mommy. I wouldn't trade anything for my little sidekick, my shopping partner, my errand runner, my helper in the kitchen. You cheer me up when I'm down and make me laugh. You remind me to look at the airplanes in the sky, and be thankful for butterflies, and observe the rain and snow, and play and be silly and let go. You love people and being social and you don't care what you look like and are always up for a good time yet know how to relax and you sing loudly and off key and you just love life. God knew exactly what he was doing when he planned - before time - for you to be our daughter.

You have been so good for my soul.

I love you, and I can't wait to see you love on your little brother. He's blessed to have you in his life and I know he'll be a blessing to you as well. Praying for much grace as we both navigate new waters. I'll be here for you always.

Happy 2nd birthday!

So thankful,
Mommy

A little girl turned 2!

Gwendolyn turned two on March 23rd! Un.believ.able.

We decided not to have a birthday party for Gwendolyn's 2nd birthday. I loved planning and throwing her 1st birthday party, but I don't really want to get into the habit of big parties until she's a bit older. Tom and I planned some special family outings to do with her the month of March (Mall of America Nickelodeon Universe, Children's Museum) and I would honestly say that those were just as much fun. (So thankful for a hubby with 6 weeks of PTO who can take random days off here and there to do things as a family!)

Per usual, be sure to click on the collages so you can see the pictures larger...

First stop: DAYCARE BIRTHDAY PARTY!

Miss Kathy is so wonderful. She makes and decorates the cake for every birthday party (and they get to pick the theme) and gathers money from all the families to buy presents. Gwendolyn looooooved her new baby doll, diaper bag, dinner set, and stroller. She desperately wanted Daddy to "open please" and just couldn't wait until we got home. Her Elmo cake was adorable (and not to mention so yummy) and I never get sick of seeing her with her friends. We are so blessed to have found Kathy and her family and have her be such an important part of Gwendolyn's life.

Second stop: BIRTHDAY DAY!

This is her on Saturday (her actual birthday) looking at me quizzically as I walked into her room singing "Happy Birthday." (Yes, she slept with baby doll.)

Later in the afternoon, we had presents from Aunt Becca (see new blanket on her lap) and Mimi and Papa to open. One of the 103297493 things I love about her is her enthusiasm when she gets excited about something. She has been doing the hand wave since at least 6 months, and I love that it's a habit she's carried with her even now being 2 years old.

Look how thrilled she is to be getting another present to open and then trying on her new Minnie underoos! (Which at this point we just count and carry around and try on over our clothes.)

Third stop: McDonald's Playland with Aunt Trishy and Uncle John

My awesome friend Erin was so kind to stop over and bring a gift for Gwendolyn (green summer Gap shoes that I wish were my size) and John and Trisha stopped over shortly after with a Minnie the Mouse and Gwendolyn's very own chef hat, apron, and spoons that she could not have looked cuter in.

After more presents and chatting, we wanted to go somewhere for dinner to celebrate on her actual birthday, so what better place for a 2 year old than Don Don's! The girl loves a good Happy Meal (I don't blame her) and scarfed down every last piece of her nuggets, fries, and apples. It wouldn't be a birthday dinner without singing Happy Birthday again using her Elmo candle (I absolutely took it and a lighter with us) and then John and Trisha played with her in the play area, which was awesome b/c Tom is really tall and I'm really pregnant.

I love all of these pictures, but specifically her chef outfit, Elmo candle sitting on a chicken nugget, John and Trisha climbing in a tunnel, Gwendolyn and Trisha's faces as they came down the very fast slide the first time,  and then Tom catching her right before she may have flown off flat on her back. She loved it and had an absolute ball!

Fourth stop: Ice Cream Sundae Time!

As if that all weren't enough, we sang again at Easter with Greg, Natalie, Grant, Brooke and Lukey. Ya know, just to officially make it a birthday month.

That Elmo candle saw a lot of use.

And a few videos to share with you as well. The daycare one is great b/c Kathy ended up having to use a torch to light the candle. Fourth time's a charm! I love how patient Gwendolyn is and her effort in blowing out her candle.

We couldn't be more blessed to have Gwendolyn as our daughter. I hope to sit down and organize my thoughts and feelings a bit more, but for now I wanted to share these sweet pictures and videos that prove she had a fabulous 2nd birthday and is well loved!

Blizzard in April

Last night was nasty. So nasty that small group was cancelled, but since we only live a few blocks from our small group leader's house, we decided to take our pizza with us and head on over anyway. And while we were there, we may or may not have had a small dance party. The two 2 year old's were an absolute hoot copying each other and getting into the music. Gwendolyn was literally sweating. And my face hurt from smiling for multiple reasons...

A.) They don't have curtains so I'm pretty sure their neighbors thought we were all crazy. Or really super fun.
B.) Gwendolyn has the BEST facial expressions when she dances.
C.) I realized that I dance exactly like her. Or she dances exactly like me. Either way, neither of us is that good.
D.) Hudson has a great beat.
E.) His dad has major skills as well, in addition to being an awesome guy and small group leader.

Because that's just what you do when it's a blizzard in Minnesota in the middle of April.

You dance!

(Especially when you have moves like Gwendolyn!)

38 Weeks with Baby #2

Only a few more days/weeks to go!! Who is excited?!

Just for fun, 38 weeks with Gwendolyn (March 2011).

       

How Far Along: 38 weeks on 4/12/13

Size of baby: Weighing about 6.8 pounds and measuring about 19.5 inches (like a leek.) 

Total Weight Gain/Loss: 16 lbs as of my appointment on Friday. I lost 2 lbs at my 37 week appt and then gained 4 lbs at this most recent one.

Maternity Clothes: Even some of my maternity tops are getting a bit snug.

Gender:  Can.not.WAIT to meet baby brother!

Movement: Still lots and lots of movement going on in there. Like right now. Wish you could see this.

Sleep: I had a great couple nights and then not so great last night, but that's to be expected at this point.

What I miss: Honestly? I would really love a beer and to go on a short run (if this weather would cooperate.) Looking forward to both of those things at some point in the near future *smile. (Running will obviously be waiting much longer than the beer, but I bought some fabulous new running shoes to get me motivated and stocked our fridge after a trip to Trader Joe's last week so both are covered. The Oberon is calling my name!)

Cravings: Protein....Shakes. Peanut butter. Greek yogurt. Bars. Lots of protein.

Symptoms: Things are definitely happening that would lead one to believe he may just make his appearance early! As a girl who loves being pregnant, particularly at this stage of the game....I'd rather the anticipation and waiting last as long as possible (well, maybe not more than 2-3 weeks). I am tired and achy and hurt, but I love the not knowing and think it's so fun! I don't want it to be over! 

Best moment this past week: His heartbeat was 130's at my midwife appointment and then 146 I think at the u/s I had to have to make sure fluids were OK. It was a quick u/s so I didn't get to see him for long, but all looked great and the tech said he weighs 6 lbs, 13 oz, give or take a POUND. I find that hilarious. So I'm thinking he'll be right about where his big sister was at 8 lbs, 1 oz. Tom was able to come to my appointment, which was fun since he hasn't gone to one since the very, very beginning. I love how interested Gwendolyn is and how the midwives engage her in what they're doing. She gets to push the button and her eyes light up when we hear baby brother's heartbeat. It's so sweet.

And Tom arranged for Uncle "Don" and Aunt Trishy to babysit on Saturday so he and I could go out to dinner and to a movie. I've been craving going to a movie (we rent movies all the time, but actually going to the theater) for months so I was so excited. He's so thoughtful and Gwendolyn was pleased as punch to have John and Trisha here. Dinner was great and we saw Silver Linings Playbook, which was very interesting. Good movie. Not what I was expecting, but good movie. And nice to hold hands with my hubby. It's also been super fun to have Tom home for four days - he took Friday and today off. We got some things done and then went to the zoo today to see the baby farm animals. We were hoping to have nice spring weather while he had time off, but there we were at the zoo in our winter coats nonetheless!

We continue to rest in knowing we have a God who is sovereign over all as we look forward to and anticipate meeting our little guy for the first time very soon!

"Conversations" with Gwendolyn

I've been accumulating these over the last couple months. She's something else and is constantly making us laugh with what she either says or does. I absolutely love this age and stage!

"Mama?"
"Yes, Gwendolyn?"
"I want Elmo."

"Mama?"
"Yes, Gwendolyn?"
"I want Dada."

1/16/13: "One, two, three, four, (giggle...giggle) five, sixteen, (giggle...giggle) one, two, three, four, five, eighteen."

2/6/13:
"Gwendolyn, do want to talk to baby brother?"
"No, thank you."
(She almost always runs over and kisses my belly and says "Hiiii baby brother" when I ask her this.)

2/13/13
"I want cat." (Her stuffed animal.)
"Ok, I'll get cat for you."
"I want bear too." (She knows how to add "too" to things now?!)


Not sure of the dates but from February...
"Gwendolyn, what should we name baby brother?"
"Kathy."

"Gwendolyn, should we name baby brother __________ or __________?
"Ummmmmmm, Elmo."
(laughing) "You want to name baby brother Elmo?"
"Elmo."

3/2/13
As she was headed downstairs to go watch a movie with Daddy and I was standing in the kitchen cleaning up, she goes...
"Bye, Mama. I'll miss you."

And then when I got down there and sat down beside her, she hands me the corner of the blanket she was using and said, "here you go."

3/17/13
I sneezed.
"Bless you, Mama."

3/25/13
While at Target, she was showing everyone her new (still in the package) toothbrushes yet when I asked her to tell the Target employee good-bye, she looked at him sheepishly and wouldn't say anything. So on our way out, I said...
"Girl, you need to be kind and say good-bye to people."
Her response?
"Bye people."

3/28/13
After getting home from Miss Kathy's, she told me "I love treats" and then 5 minutes later specifically said, "I love chocolate." 
(Kathy gave her a little Easter box that she called her "purse" with three different mini chocolates in it that we shared when we got home.)

3/29/13
Coming down the stairs in the morning with a big smile on her face, she says, "vitamin tiiiime!" 
(She loves her vitamins and it's the first thing we do when we get downstairs.)

4/10/13
While driving in the car, I overhear her saying, "Dada, Mama, Dendolin (Gwendolyn)." I turn around and say, "yeeeees! And who else is in our family?!" thinking she would add "baby brother." She paused and said, "um.....Elmo."

I see a common theme with a certain red monster. He is well loved by a little girl in this house *smile.

More "Conversations with Gwendolyn" down the road as I'm sure she'll have LOTS to talk about once baby brother arrives.

Breathe. Peace. Surrender.

I will admit I've been a bit overwhelmed and anxious recently. I've had such mixed emotions about being almost done with this pregnancy, and of course since many people are asking how I'm doing and feeling, I've had my mind on it a lot more recently. This is such a bittersweet moment in time. I am on the edge of my seat to meet this little baby boy and hold him in my arms and kiss his whole face, and at the same time it seems my heart is already taken by a little girl named Gwendolyn Rebecca that makes me wonder how in the world I could ever love someone else as much as I adore and love her. What amazes me the most, is that our hearts are capable of such love. In this incredible way, even though it seems impossible, I know it will be so.

I was emailing with a girlfriend recently and we were talking about this mom guilt. (So reassuring to know I'm not alone, by the way.) There have been so many sweet moments with Gwendolyn recently that have brought tears to my eyes. She'll put her hands on my face and kiss me and look me in the eyes and say  quietly, "I love you." Or she'll just come up behind me and scratch my back or play with my hair. And of course, as an emotional pregnant woman about to go into labor, these special little moments pull at my heart strings in ways I've never felt before because I know in a very short time, her entire world is going to be completely different. It's just been us for two years. Two years of some of the most amazing days of my entire life. We've shared and done so much together and as a family and really, it's been so easy to have one child. Tom and I work so well together and were blessed with a calm, tender-hearted little girl (except for when she's not.) It's easy to run to Target or go on a play date or a walk or travel or eat out. We have plenty of time for "us" and are rarely low on sleep these days (even at almost 38 weeks pregnant.) Gwendolyn doesn't have to fight for a lap to sit on or arms to hold her. She can read as many books as her heart desires before night nights, and has our undivided attention when her love tank is empty or she falls or needs something. We've tried not to spoil her per-say,  but as first time parents,  it's just been our natural response to want to give her the world.

In addition, I've been so focused on when he'll arrive (selfishly hoping for as much time as possible) and thinking about everything that still needs to happen around here in order to be ready. (Are you ever really ready?)

What if we don't get everything done?
What if labor doesn't go as I had hoped?

What if I miss the way things used to be? 

What if Gwendolyn feels rejected?

What if she doesn't need me anymore?

What if baby brother doesn't get as much attention?

What if they don't bond as siblings?

What if I struggle to be a mom of two?

What if I struggle to be a mom and a Godly wife?

What if it's too hard?

What if I feel stretched too thin?

What if I fail?

What if...

What if...

What if...

Then God.

It's so easy to say I trust Him, but when it really comes down to it...do I? I read His word and I love His word and I'm encouraged by His word, but could it be said of me that I not only believe the things of God, but that I also do them?

Trusting in the Lord is simple when life is going about peacefully and things are going our way, but trusting in the Lord when there are trials and questions and unknowns is a whole other story. Either way, He is absolutely trust-worthy and His character is spotless. My plans and ways and thoughts and actions are less than trust-worthy and far more spotty. He knows the way much better than I, and so in times like now, I so want every part of me to say, yes, I trust in the Lord and in His word with all my heart, with all my mind, and with all my soul. Not just when things are going my way, but when things are busy and unknown and my heart is overwhelmed. If he cares for the wildflowers and birds of the air, how much more does he care for me?

I don't have to have it all figured out this moment. I don't have to worry about life beyond today. I just have to trust and obey and remember...He is always faithful. I was made to depend on Him and am held within his constant grace.

And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? - Matthew 6:30

That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? - Matthew 6:25

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. - 1 Peter 5:7

Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up. - Proverbs 12:25

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. - 2 Corinthians 9:8

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:19

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths. - Proverbs 3:5-6

Be still and know that I am God... - Psalm 46:10

Search me, God, and know my heart; try me and know my thoughts. See if there is any unrighteous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. - Psalm 139: 23-24

His word is alive and active. Those verses above are true. In fact, it's a powerful thing to replace certain words and apply them directly to myself as if He is sitting right beside me...

And if I care so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, I will certainly care for you, Sarah. Why do you have such little faith?

Sarah, give all your worries and cares to me, for I care for you.

Worry weighs you down, Sarah.

I will meet all your needs, Sarah, according the riches of my glory.

Trust in me with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, Sarah. In all your ways, acknowledge me and I will direct your paths.

Well when you put it like that......

What is there to fear?

What is there to be concerned about?

What is there to anxious for?

Where, in any of those words, is a God who isn't for me?

Or a God who doesn't know the desires of my heart?

No where. I am so thankful He is faithful. And that He cares for me and my children and our family and promises that He will always be enough and all I need. I confess my unbelief, and I lay these things at His feet. Right now. Every single one of them. I can do this.

And Gwendolyn? Well, I think she'll love her baby brother beyond words and she'll be so gentle and sweet with him. I need to remember that having a sibling is going to enrich her life. She'll always have us, but now she'll know the love and companionship of a sibling. I can't wait to see them together for the first time.

At the suggestion of one of my best friends, I will trust that His will be done as we prepare to welcome our son. You're right Sophie...breathe, peace, surrender.