Gwen's Birth Story (found!)

** UPDATE **

My friend Carrie found my original birth story post through her Google Reader. I don't even know what Google Reader is, but I am so THANKFUL for it and for CARRIE! You have no idea how important this was to me and how appreciative I am! I cried when I got her email this morning.

Below is the original post - yay!

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"Due Date"

I was due on March 20th but always assumed I'd go over my due date, so when the day came and went, it wasn't much of a surprise to Tom and I. Our midwives and good friend, Diedra, a doula, had told us that the majority of first time moms "go late." I was comfortable--except for some back pain--and still loving being pregnant, so I was okay with that baby staying "in Hawaii" until he/she decided it was time to come out to cold Minnesota and meet us. Tom and I enjoyed "livin' it up" the last couple weekends by going to or renting movies, meeting friends for breakfast or dinner, finishing things around the house, getting massages and talking and soaking up our last few days of it just being the two of us. 

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Every action in our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity. - Edwin Hubbel Chapin

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"Now Overdue"

I felt great on Sunday the 20th, and even better on Monday the 21st. I told everyone at work that they could probably expect to see me the rest of the week. (I was shooting to have the baby on the 28th since 28 is my favorite number *smile. In fact, my friend Kara told me that if I was desperate, perhaps getting adjusted would help. I had a chiropractic appointment scheduled for the next night (the 22nd) and even contemplated cancelling it and moving it closer to the 28th...I'll say it for you, "Wow, Sarah.") 

I went to the gym that night in order to get my 8th time in for the month (to get my $20 credit from my employer - great perk!). I had a ton of energy and felt really good. And then Tuesday rolled around...I showed up at work and my boss commented on how she couldn't believe I was still there. I told her I was tired and pretty sore from working out the night before. We laughed about my being 40+ weeks pregnant and still going to the gym, and I went about my typical day. But things changed as the day progressed...I remember being very tired and feeling sluggish by the end of the day. That night, upon getting off the bus and walking to my car before heading to my chiro appointment, I sent the following text messages to Tom:

Me: I feel like tonight could be the night. :)
Tom: Why do you feel like tonight could be the night?
Me: I just didn't feel as great as I have by the end of other days. Who knows. :)

Little did we know, that night WOULD be the night. Well, kind of...

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When a child is born into the world, God draws his hand out from near his own heart, and lends something of himself to the parent, and says, "Keep it till I come." - Henry Ward Beecher

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"March 23rd"

Thankfully, Tom and I were able to get a full night's sleep; however, I noticed that I had what felt like mild menstrual cramps throughout the night. I woke up at 6:00 am and said to Tom, "Hey honey...I feel different," which was my way of letting him know that I thought I was in labor without freaking him out. He immediately perked up  and asked me a few questions about what exactly "different" meant. I told him I had some cramping throughout the night and had gone to the bathroom at 5:00 am, which was very unlike me. He recommended I call the on-call midwife to see what she said. I explained to Bridget (one of our favorite midwives!) what I was experiencing and asked whether she'd recommend I go into work that day. She said she couldn't really tell me what to do, that the contractions could go on like this for hours or even dissipate, and to just listen to my body. 

Tom and I got up and checked the news to see what traffic and the weather was like. My route to work was completely backed up due to an accident and the weather was iffy, so I decided I'd email my boss to see if I could work from home just to be safe. At this point, I wasn't having any real contractions, but the conditions outside would make it pretty difficult to get to the hospital if the contractions started. Not to mention the whole "water breaking at work" scenario that kept running through my mind...Thankfully, my boss gave me the go ahead to stay home.

We figured we should try to go back to sleep and get as much rest as we could. Sleep? Ha. By this time -- 7:30ish -- contractions had started, and although I couldn't sleep through them, they were definitely bearable. We got up a bit later and both logged in to our work email. I was excited to work from home for the first time! I had some technical issues and had to call our IT guru, Sean, back at the office to help me out. He thought nothing of my having to take 30 second breaks so I could breath through the contractions (which quickly became very consistent at 5 minutes apart and lasting 20-30 seconds) while he was helping me. 

Tom was working on the laptop, and I was on our main computer. I had two cups of raspberry tea and a bowl of hearty oatmeal made by my very sweet hubby. Tom did a load of laundry. At this point, I was still thinking it could be a false alarm, so I didn't want to overthink anything and get anyone too excited. I had heard about too many women going to the hospital thinking they were in labor, only to be sent home, and I really didn't want to be one of them. I paced around the living room and sat on the birthing ball.

At the recommendation of our friend Diedra, Tom and I had planned on my laboring at home for as long as possible. I had visions of our watching a funny movie, playing games, or going on a walk (in a blizzard? No thanks.) but time was going very quickly and all that was on my mind was reply to emails, shower, pick-up - breathe for contraction- clean the bathroom and kitchen, call our doula, reply to emails - breathe for contraction - and get that car loaded. Our bags were packed and everything was laying out on our guest bed, ready to be carried out. We had magazines, the diaper bag, Gatorade, protein bars, snacks for the hospital, clothes for what seemed like a week, three blankets for the baby, extra blankets and pillows, washed and ready going home outfits, a rolling pin to use for back pain, bath stuff, beach towels, and a ton of other things that I thought we'd need during our 48 hour stay in the hospital (this was obviously our first child) but didn't end up using.

11:30 rolled around, and the contractions had increased in consistency to every 3 minutes. I was also nauseous and thought I was going to be sick twice, but the nausea passed. I was managing and breathing through the contractions, yet at the same time I was thinking, "If this is only the beginning, what will contractions feel like in a few hours?!" This was the only time I questioned my endurance and told Tom I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to endure what lied ahead. He reassured me that I was strong and could do all things through Christ who strengthens me, which he had said to me several times by that point. I asked him -- politely -- to please come up with something else to say, because we were only a few hours in and I had heard that enough *smile.

I called Bridget back to give her an update, and she suggested we come in so I could be checked. I told her we had a few more things to take care of at home and that they could expect us there within an hour. She said they'd have a room ready. It was really happening! I felt excitement and nervousness for the unknowns. This was the biggest day of our lives thus far - would it be a boy or a girl? How would the labor progress? Would my birth plan really happen? I was pumped that Bridget was the midwife on call that day, since Tom and I had met her previously and really liked her. Taking a shower was a huge relief, and for those 15 minutes, I felt almost nothing during my contractions. It was a wonderful break! For a little while, at least...

So this was it - we were going to the hospital! Tom quickly finished loading our car, and I put on my boots and winter coat very quickly during a rest between contractions. We walked to the car during my next break. I recall looking at the clock when we were backing out of our driveway and seeing that it was 1:25. The ride there was bumpy and uncomfortable. I remember being at a stoplight and looking over to the car beside us, thinking to myself how at any point, you could be next to a car with a woman laboring in it and never know. Such a random thought, but this was the biggest event to ever happen to us and I kind of wanted to roll down my window and shout to the whole world that I was about to meet my first son or daughter. A big"Honk! I'm in labor!" flag on our window would have worked as well. (Now that's an idea!) I asked Tom to please try and avoid potholes, and he obliged. Thankfully we had a very short 5-10 minute drive to the hospital.

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The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace. Psalm 29:11

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"The Hospital"

We pulled up to the ER entrance, as instructed, and walked inside. Tom made several trips in with all of our stuff (I'm pretty sure the staff thought we were crazy for having brought so much), while I waited for him to walk up to the maternity ward together. The staff offered me a wheelchair, which I declined. (We instead used it as a cart - ha.) I was able to walk on my own but had to pause in the corner of the elevator for a contraction once we were on the second floor. We were led to our room and met Bridget, our midwife, and our labor nurse, Erin. At 2:30 pm, Bridget said I was 3, almost 4 cm dilated. I knew some women walk around at 3 cm for weeks, so I was a bit disappointed by this news. The contractions were definitely strong at this point.

I labored in the hospital bed for some time, while talking to Tom and Bridget. She gently rubbed my legs and feet, while Tom tried to get me to eat a chocolate protein bar and encouraged me to keep drinking water. I was eager to get in the big tub in my room, but since the water can be relaxing and slow labor down, we decided I shouldn't get in too early. 

I finally did get in the tub an hour later (3:30 pm), which is also about the time our doula, Kali, arrived. I was amazed at how great the water felt and seemed to ease my contractions, although I found it a bit difficult to get comfortable in the tub (I really needed handrails to hold on to). I requested hot water be added to the tub a few times b/c I was shivering, which they told me was due to adrenaline. Everyone was so sweet and reassuring. Tom never left my side.

About 45 minutes later (4:15 pm), I got out of the tub. I tried sitting/rocking on the "birth ball" (aka exercise ball) and leaning against the bed. I wanted to transition to leaning on the birth ball while in bed but never made it that far. I was on my hands and knees on the bed when I felt a very, very strong urge to push. I didn't resist it, pushing with the contraction, and at 4:52 pm I suddenly felt and heard a loud "pop" - my water had broken! (Tom loves to tell that part of the story, because he finds it so fascinating.) 
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A new baby is like the beginning of all things-wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities. - Eda J. Le Shan
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"5 cm"

Bridget warned me that my contractions would be closer and more intense now that this cushioning was gone, and she knows what she's talking about. She asked if she could check me, and at 5:00 pm I was at 5 cm. Only 5 cm?? In my mind, we were still a long way from actually pushing and meeting our little one. 

Tom and Kali encouraged me to try some different positions: leaning over the bed, sitting on the birth ball, laying in bed (which was not comfortable - I only lasted 1 or 2 contractions in this position), swaying with Tom, and resting my head and upper body on the birth ball while it was on the bed. It was during this time that I was probably most out of my groove and struggled to find the right position. I wanted to keep moving but found it difficult to get comfortable, because moving took a lot of energy. I was thirsty. Hot and then cold. I didn't want anyone to touch me. And I asked Tom to get some gum because I thought his breath smelled. 

Kali encouraged me to look him in the eyes, which I didn't even realize I wasn't doing. I think I found it easier to focus, breath and get through contractions "in the dark" than by looking around the room and at the people with me. Bridget requested to check me again about 45 minutes later. I really didn't want to be checked because it hurt (I was in labor and concerned about it "hurting"??), but when she told me that if I was far enough long we could move to the water birth suite, I eagerly moved into position. 
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Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever fresh and radiant possibility. - Kate Douglas Wiggin

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"8 cm"

I was 8 cm dilated, and we were on our way to the water birth suite! My labor was progressing just as we had hoped and prayed would happen.

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As a mother, my job is to take care of what is possible and trust God with the impossible. - Ruth Bell Graham

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"Moving to the water birth suite"

Our nurse, Erin, suggested I go to the bathroom once more before we left - that was quite the feat. I think both she and Tom had to help me, because I'd have a contraction and need to lean on someone, and sitting and standing wasn't easy. They weren't lying when they said you just do not care about who sees you naked when you're in labor. I changed from my coral-and-white-polka-dot nightie into a hospital gown (reluctantly *smile), and we walked around the corner to the suite where our baby would be born. 

Once there, we had to wait for the nurse and midwife to fill the tub with the right water temperature, because it couldn't be too warm. I got through my contractions by leaning on Tom. I finally got in the tub around 5:30 pm and started on my knees with my hands resting on the sides of the tub. I loved that the sun was still shining, and I could see outside. That is when I opened my eyes, which wasn't often.

Bridget's shift was over at 6:00 pm and Elizabeth, the next midwife on call, took over from there. She was the first midwife we ever saw at the clinic and another one of our favorites. Being someone who loves to capture memories through photographs, of course, I requested we take a picture with both of them before Bridget left. I breathily asked if they would take a picture with me, and everyone thought it was pretty funny. Those who know me well are probably not surprised one bit by this.

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I finally believe in love at first sight.

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"Pushing"

Pushing...talk about intense pressure! By this time I had moved to sitting while bracing my body with my hands underneath of me (kind of -- I naturally floated to the top of the water). I remember asking Elizabeth if "this" was considered pushing, and she chuckled and said, "Yes! You've been pushing for awhile." I guess I thought there'd be more of an announcement or something telling me that it was time to push that would make it official. There wasn't really any way not to push when I felt the urge. No one asked me if I wanted anything for the pain, just as I had requested in my birth plan.

I tried to focus on my breathing -- in for 4 and out for 8 -- like we had been taught in our "Birthing with Confidence" class. But it was tough to get a deep breath for that to work. I had breaks where I would rest and relax, which were wonderful. I told Elizabeth how great those were. She agreed with me and said, "but those aren't the contractions that get the baby here." So true! I shifted my thinking to start welcoming the harder contractions instead of dreading them as they built up, and I could sense my body preparing for the next one. I'd usually have three in a row. I requested more hot water for the tub a few times. 

At one point I apologized to everyone and said, "this must be boring for you guys." Everyone laughed. I also asked if I was really loud, and the nurse said there are women with epidurals who are louder. I honestly felt like everyone in the maternity ward could hear me! Tom said I was incredibly calm. 

I couldn't believe it when Kali, our doula, told me they had wheeled in the tray of supplies needed for the baby. It was so comforting to me we were getting close to the end. And then Tom told me he could see the baby's head, and it had dark hair! I also couldn't believe that the head was showing, because I hadn't really felt anything change. 

Elizabeth kept telling me how strong I was and saying "good job." I would push with everything I had. Tom said my face was bright red, and the veins were popping out of my neck. I knew we were close when I saw our nurse Erin reach for the baby blanket. I pushed towards the pressure (mentally) and visualized the baby moving down the birth canal with each contraction. Elizabeth gently guided the head out and told me to push one more time. It actually required two more gigantic pushes, and then a huge feeling of physical relief as the baby was entirely out. The cord was briefly wrapped around the baby's neck.

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Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Psalm 150:6

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"She's here!"

I opened my eyes to see the baby in the water, and then Elizabeth gently placed the baby on my chest with a blanket. Erin asked what kind of baby we had, but it took Tom a few seconds to tell me because her legs were closed. Finally he said, "it's a girl?!" And my first words were, "are you serious?!" Instant tears. I was in disbelief after feeling so strongly that it was a boy for 20 weeks that we had a DAUGHTER! One of my first thoughts was that my family was not going to believe it. (We already have four boys, and my sister and sister-in-law were both due with boys, so she would be the first and only girl out of seven grandkids.) I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

We had done it! And after dreaming about her for so long, she was finally in my arms. God had just given us the most incredible gift ever. It's hard to even describe the wave of emotions that came over Tom and I in those first moments. I think I said "ohmigosh" five or six times *smile. We had prayed for this day for so long. I had specifically prayed that God's hands would be over the midwife and nurses on call that day and that He would go before us and prepare the way. There was such peace and calmness during my labor and her birth. She was healthy and beautiful. It was everything I had hoped to experience and more, and we give Him all the glory and honor for that. After 11 hours of labor, at 7:17 pm our lives were forever changed.

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The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. - Rajneesh

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We waited for the cord to stop pulsing before Tom cut it. The next couple hours are a blur --delivering the placenta (one more push), getting out of the tub (very slowly) and moving to the bed, getting her weight and height (she weighed more and was shorter than I expected), nursing for the first time (she was a natural), telling Trisha, Erin and John the big news, moving back to my old room, discussing her name, and finally, after more than an hour deciding on Gwendolyn Rebecca, making the much anticipated phone calls to family and sending out text messages, taking pictures, updating Facebook, and my parents arriving around 10:30 pm. 

It was a whirlwind of complete JOY.

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Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. - Jeremiah 1:5

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"Her Name"

Tom and I were in a gift shop while on our vacation in Ireland last June, and before leaving the store I picked up an Irish Baby Names book. I was flipping through it and saw "Gwendolyn" on a page, turned around and asked Tom if he liked that name, and he said yes. There weren't many names that we both liked, so agreeing on one was a big deal. We weren't pregnant at the time but had hopes of starting our family soon. We went through a looooong list of girl names and looked on hundreds (not really, but it felt like it) of baby name websites, but always came back to Gwendolyn during our search. Tom suggested we buy the inexpensive book while in the gift shop, but I didn't think we needed to. You have no idea how much I wish we had now that our Gwendolyn is here! We had narrowed it down to two names, and thought we'd know right away when we saw her which of the two names she looked most like. It was harder than we though, but she's such a Gwen to me now. Our other name was Maeve, a very Irish name meaning "joy" and "intoxicating."

My sister is my best friend. She and I have always been close, and I'm so thankful to know what it's like to have the love of a big sister in addition to my big brothers. Becca has a heart of gold and would do anything for her family and friends. I've always said that if I ever got on the show Survivor and had to select a family member to come visit me while I was away, it'd be a tough decision to decide between her and Tom *smile. She always says the right thing when I need her the most. She's real. She's forgiving. We never fight (and I only remember a few fights growing up.) She makes me and the rest of our family a priority, and she always sees the best in people. We have shared so many laughs and tears together over the years, and I wanted to recognize the immense love and admiration I have for my sister by naming our daughter after her.

Gwendolyn means "blessed" and Rebecca means "captivating".

We are blessed and captivated by our daughter and God's grace every day! And that, my friends, is how Gwen came into the world. I'll leave you with a video of her less than 24 hours after she was born. (Sorry for the orientation of it - I wasn't able to edit the format of the video taken from our new camera.)